#soulbitsonfire: Firing Up Forgiveness in a Muddled Mind

by Samantha Rose

When you look in the mirror, what do you see?

Do you see the many projections pushed onto you? Or do you see the real you?

If you grew up very confused about your identity, feeling lost at sea, feeling incredibly insecure in multiple areas of life… it’s possible that you were projected on, not believed, and not visibly valued, whether that be at home, at work, at school, amongst peers, etc.

For many, this first happens at home. A place where we are meant to feel safe becomes a treacherous war zone where we continue to bury ourselves deeper and deeper inside of ourselves so that we actually feel safe around those who hold no good will for us.

It can be incredibly conflicting at times as we teeter-totter in our minds, confused on the conflicting words vs. actions, which can lead to us not trusting ourselves and our own experiences and reality. Some are brilliant at convincing us they care while simultaneously acting as if they don’t. This can lead to manic-ness, distrust, fear, insecurity, and I’m certain more.

How do we break from this? I’ll share a mantra that has helped me in the past:

I am safe to be

I am safe to love I am safe to receive I am safe to achieve

Because the behavior and experiences I just very briefly described do the exact opposite of what that mantra does: makes us feel unsafe. Unsafe and unworthy.

Feeling emotionally and physically unsafe in this world due to traumatic and confusing experiences is the cherry on top of what this world already is, but I don’t want to dwell on the negative. I never have wanted to, even when I have.

For a long time, I was the most negative and bitter person I knew. I’ve begun to truly explore forgiveness, and for that, I will share a mantra from Hawaiian psychologist, Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len, and his healing mantra of forgiveness:

I love you, I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you.

This one I have yet to try consistently, but I’m going to start. What I first brought up in this piece runs so deep and rampant that it is something I’ve been dealing with the strongest and attempting to heal in my mid-late 20s, as I didn’t fully recognize it before, maybe ever. Once I began to recognize where my behavior, beliefs, and experiences were stemming from, I realized I’ve been enduring this my entire life. I can do all of the meditations, I can do chakra healing, I can take flower essences, I can write… but I feel that what may help me the most in terms of healing myself… is forgiveness.

For some, forgiveness feels hard. It’s not a physical action and when we can’t take physical action, it can feel impossible to untangle the mental, to clear it enough to see things clearly or to heal what we need to. But forgiveness has been on the brain, and by 28 and almost 4 years deep into the reflection of my biggest wound, I love myself too much not to forgive. Because I’m not forgiving them for them––they will never change. I’m forgiving them for me so that I can live a life free of their projections and illnesses that have taken up too much space in my heart and mind for my entire life.

How do you forgive? Share some tips below!

Samantha Rose is a poet, writer, and editor whose burnings have reached The Occulum, ILY Mag, and more. She runs her own coven + lit mag, Pussy Magic, and has self-published two collections of poetry. Her writing speaks to the core of what churns us as humans and she is inspired by the interweaving of nature. She is passionate about honest and open self-expression. With Soulbits on Fire, Samantha hopes to inspire others to openly and bravely FEEL. She encourages you to take a few deep breaths after reading this. Feel that? Feels good, doesn't it? Check out her #soulbits on IG: @baddiesam.